I actually quit my job after 4 months because I would over analyse every interaction with my co workers, I wouldn't know how to talk to them and I thought that I came across as rude. I can see that you're really struggling right now.
#I NEED YOU TO HATE ME BOOK FULL#
I'm a full grown adult and I can't even hold a simple conversation. I fear that my work life will suffer because of this. I fear I won't be able to make any friends or find a girlfriend because of this. I just really don't know how to express myself or how to socialize. If someone asks for help I'm the first one to offer a hand. I just can't get the thought out of my head that everyone thinks I'm super weird or rude or cold to people. One time I even cried after getting home because of how embarrassed I was with myself because I froze up from a simple question that someone had asked me. Every time I do something I think is weird in a social interaction I find myself replaying the scene in my head over and over and beating myself up because of it and it makes me very depressed. I hate myself for not being able to interact with people and make connections with them. I also think that if I just started being really chatty tomorrow that they'd think I'm even weirder because of the super drastic change.
We're having a Christmas party later this month and I just said I couldn't go because I can't bare the thought of having to interact with them and possibly making myself look bad. I keep on thinking that my co-workers think I'm really weird or something for never talking to them or maybe think that I don't like them, but that's not the case at all, I think all of the people there are great people but I just can't express that to them properly. I've worked at a new job for something like 4 months now and I've seriously not even had a single proper conversation with anyone there in that entire time. It really sucks because I have a lot to talk about but I just don't talk about anything. My coping mechanism has always been to just be super withdrawn and try to interact with people as little as possible because as soon as I do interact with people I say or do something stupid which makes me super embarrassed, but that's a double-edged sword because it also means I never get any actual experience in socializing with people so when I'm forced to I'm completely and utterly inept. I can interact fine with people over text or online but as soon as I'm face to face with them I just freeze up and go silent. For as long as I can remember I've just not known how to interact with other people. However, secrets are deeply entrenched and woven through their souls.As the title says, I'm really bad at socializing, like really really bad. And she realizes that perhaps, they aren't so different after all. Addicted to Ace-addicted to the elation he makes her feel.
And there's no fighting fate, no matter how cruel or unfair it seems. A magnetic force comes out to play, hurling Calla into Ace at full speed without brakes to decelerate. She's in for an inscrutable surprise when her path collides with Ace's.Ace is an asshole-there's no denying that. But beyond the blame, other demons are prowling. Two years after a devastating accident, Calla is still full of guilt. When they collide, will they heal each other, or are they damaged beyond repair? What's worse than losing someone you love? Blaming yourself for their death. Two damaged souls on a path to obliteration. A passionate and enthralling college romance.
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